BREAKING NEWS: IRANIAN PROTESTORS OPENLY BURN SHITHEAD ON STREETS OF TEHRAN
Tehran, Iran 2100GMT – In an open defiance of the ban on the public burning of shithead, protestors in Tehran are taking to the streets and building shithead conflagrations. According to Mehdi Paravastour, Persian analyst for the New Shithead Times, the significance of burning shithead cannot be underestimated. “The symbolic act of burning shithead in the streets is one which threatens the very foundation of the Supreme Council’s leadership. By edict of the Ayatollah, consumption of any breakfast cereal in any way other than orally is an offense against Allah and an unnatural act. The fact that the young and old alike are choosing to burn shithead openly is especially significant, since shithead was alleged to be used as bribes for votes by the government in their recent election rigging.”
Reports from other sources who did not wish to be identified said that even those who were not directly involved in the fires were heard shouting shithead related slogans from their rooftops at night. These slogans seemed to borrow heavily from Western ideas of freedom. Most frequently heard was (loosely translated) “Shithead is Great” and “Give me shithead or give me death.”
Predictably, the government refused to backdown against the protesters, even thought government resources for fighting the outbreak of these fires appear stretched to the breaking point. The paramilitary group Basij seemed ill prepared to combat this new tactic by the protestors, and lacked the fire extinguishing equipment or training to battle the fires. Still, the government vowed to fight the new shithead conflagrations. A recalcitrant spokesman for the government coldly remarked “let them eat shithead.”
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